Just thinkin.

Just thinking lately about expectations and what they do for our future selves. Meaning, do expectations and the pressures that are placed on us by either outside forces or by our own selves somehow elevate us to a level unachievable by any other means? Or do these expectations somehow box us into a reality that, when we reach it, forces us to look back and regret so many decisions that we've made? Do we base our goals and dreams on what we should or should not eventually turn out like?

I worry about this a lot.

What if my choices aren't really mine at all? Am I happy with my insides, or do I focus on the image of me too much?

I suppose I must take a closer look at my insides:
What do I love? I mean TRULY love--
I love the explosion of joy felt in my soul when I feel that I've truly made a difference in someones life.
I love reaching a point in a friendship or relationship when all defenses are down and the raw emotions- hope, fear, love, disappointment- can be expressed, accepted, and explored.
I love hearing stories of triumph and strength. The human resolve is an incredible thing.
I love seeing an elderly couple holding hands in the grocery store, and I especially love sitting bedside to an ill patient and listening to their tearful partner recount stories from their life together.
I love the concept of creation. That somethings can be made out of nothing and that there really is no such thing as impossible.
I love proving myself wrong or surprising myself with a strength I didn't know I had.
I love words and poetry and books and eloquent speakers and inspirational quotes and riveting speeches.
I love earth, water, fire- the elements- and our world. Rain is something that will always make my stop and look heavenward. I have decided that this is God's way of getting my attention, perhaps the fact that it is raining an angry storm outside is the reason for my writing this.
I love beauty and grace and the strength of a woman. We truly are capable of amazing things and have an innate love for others.

I love so many other things, but those are a few that are speaking to me right now. So, do the things I'm doing or reaching for reflect the things that I love?

Maybe I'll dream about it tonight and receive a little divine inspiration to help me sort this all out. :)

I need a Champion?

Think the media alters the expectations we have of the opposite sex much?
That goes for both men and women.

No worries, I will still be the first one in line to see this movie,

I CAN'T WAIT!

*And I wouldn't mind a champion..

Am I dreaming?

Does it keep spinning? Or does it stop...
I loved this movie with every fiber of my being. And honestly, I am not terribly disturbed by the ending. I felt at peace with the fact that it no longer mattered to him whether it was reality or not. He was with his kids.
(Even though I'm pretty positive it was a dream because his kids were still in the same clothes and looked the exact same as the projection versions of themselves. In real life they would have aged slightly and probably would have been wearing different clothes.)

The only question I have is that- if he is in a dream in the end, he could bring back his wife and live happily ever after in dream world as a whole family couldn't he? Or is it because he already 'released' her from his subconscious when they followed Fischer into Limbo?

Hm...
Good movie, but now I question my own existence haha.

is this the light they were talking about..?

you know- the one at the end of the tunnel?


This nursing program has felt as though it would never end.

But, alas, this is my last day of class.

I'm not even a little bit sad to leave this school actually.

The End.

Book List Update

I'm making slow progress on my book list. Right now I'm reading Catch-22 but I'm having a hard time concentrating and somehow end up back on my 'fun' books.

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchel
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

If you ever want to feel like you've been hit by a train...

...try this class with me!


No seriously this is one of the funnest things I've done in a long time. It's also the hardest workout I've ever done. It takes a lot of upper body strength and flexibility and be prepared for injuries!

(This is a silks burn on my leg- one of many!)

I'm addicted to this class and would love it if I could convert more people to come play with me!
Maybe we could be in the circus one day?

It's at Studio Pearl in Midvale, its an adult dance studio and its kinda funny to watch the Pole Dancing 1.0 class upstairs... they mainly just look miserable and bruised. But don't fret-- the silks class is not 'adult' in any way!
Thursday nights from 7pm-8pm... I promise you'll love it!

Dash Photography

So my friend Dani started her own photography business and she is AWESOME! We went today and took a bunch of fun pics at the Meadow Gold plant and had a blast (even though it was freaking hot and there were some questionable characters following us around..)

Here are some of my favorites!

BaHaMaS BaBY!!

So I "won" a cruise to the Bahamas! The quotes around the word 'won' are because I technically just won the opportunity to chose a lower priced package deal. But hey, it was a good deal so whatev. As you know, I really wanted to go somewhere to celebrate graduating Nursing School. I would have preferred Alaska, but I definitely wont mind a quick trip to an exotic paradise. My mom and I are sooooooo excited! We'll also do some parasailing, scuba diving (YAY!), stop at Butterfly World...

(Relaxing sigh)

Graduation: September 18th
Vacay: September 19th!

Say WHAT?!

I am now the new Relief Society Newsletter person. Because I was really worried that I wasn't spending enough time in front of the computer typing assignments and meeting deadlines?

Huh.

Haha well I guess it certainly isn't the WORST calling I could get right?
So I get to put my creative brain cells to use and hopefully add some spice to an otherwise boring document. Go me.

Fun Things Ahead

Things I'm looking foward too? Stadium of Fire with Carrie Underwood! St. George trip to see Tarzan at the Tuacahn, Lion King at Capitol Theater...I have to plan little events like these to have something to look forward to! They spice up life a and also help me knock off a goal on my Bucket List (I have to see at least 20 Broadway -or broadway type- shows!) :)

Alaska

For graduation I really wanted to go to Alaska for a week long excursion. I had a great company lined up and was looking forward to hiking, Northern Lights, kayaking, etc. But the little voice inside my head, otherwise known as my conscience, told me that I needed to stay home and pay off some of my debt. If anyone knows how to turn of that annoying little voice please let me know.

Update (prt. 1)

The last few months of my life have been boring and
absolutely insane at the same time. Does anyone else
ever feel like that? What am I thinking..
I'm sure everyone knows what I'm talking about.

I have been spending countless hours at hospitals for
clinical hours. Between the State Hospital (which I
actually REALLY enjoyed, should I be worried?), work
NeuroTrauma Rehab Rocks! I love my coworkers and the
patients here are incredible!), Primary Children's
also the NeuroTrauma unit but for little people),
and all of the community hours (AA meetings, NAMI
meetings, Disaster Drills, etc.), I feel like I have
already been a nurse for 30 years. I am so close though!
Less than TWO MONTHS left of classes, then boards, then
graduation (September 18th!!). Nursing school has been
the hardest thing I've ever done! Do I feel ready to go
out into the workforce on my own? Not quite, but working
as an LPN (Low-paid nurse :D) has definitely helped.

I've also been trying to really step up my physical
fitness regimen, which means I actually had to start one,
so that I can be ready for Basic Training in October.
At least that's the plan, I'm hoping to leave mid Oct.
I am so anxious about BT, I don't know what to expect! A
part of my wants to leave right now and another part of
me is terrified. There is just so much unsurity in life right
now and gives a Type A personality like me a little extra grief.

Dating life? Uh- what's that? I haven't been on one since
January and honestly I switch between days of despair and
days of gratitude. I couldn't handle a relationship right now
and I feel like I'm still being prepared for whoever
is out there waiting for me.

Family drama is ever present and occasionally makes me feel
like I just can't handle the issues we've been given. But luckily
I know that everything works out how it is supposed to. Erin
turned the big 20 and Colton turned the big 17.
They are getting so big :) "There are no coincidences with an
omniscient being." This is one of my favorite quotes lately.


Facebook. Where to start. I deleted my account, well I
guess I should say that I put it on hold. Long story short-
do not add strange men who appear to be the perfect guy and
give them your personal information. Not that I did that...
just sayin- Hypothetically.


The issues that face our country/world right now are
disheartening to say the least. I enjoy keeping up on
political and world events, even though I don't
really have anyone to passionately discuss them with :)
Good thing Colbert Report provides me with a smile haha..
I love that show.

What else to write about-- maybe just the fact that I
am a horrible friend. If I missed a reception, birthday
party, baby shower, etc., I am SO sorry! I
miss all of my friends and hope that they haven't
all forgotten me lol.

i love this dress!

Oh, and...117 days left of nursing school!!!

Just kidding...

My dream house...

minus the third add-on on the very right. I don't need slave quarters.

...can anyone tell me what movie this house is from?

Baby, Oh baby!...

I love this cute nursery, have you ever heard of anyone planning a nursery before even having a boyfriend?... let's just not tell any of the local, single guys what i'm up to mmmkay? oh and don't tell them that i had another pregnant dream last night.

Great.
Thanks.

a greater good...

So I have recently made a decision that is not getting the best response from my family, when I graduate from Nursing school I am going to be an ArMy ReSeRvE NuRsE!
I feel so good about my decision and accept the risks, but am a little frustrated by the lack of support from {my mom} mostly. I am sure that I wont understand how she feels until I have my own daughter, but I wont be on the front lines holding a gun, I will be providing nursing care to those fighting for our country. I went into nursing to help others and have felt a strong pull towards a greater cause that, until now, I didn't feel like I could fulfill. I am SO EXCITED!

It's here, It's here, It's here!!!

FALL!!!!
:)

My favorite time of the year.

Today I threw a little 'Welcome' party for my dear old friend, fall.
It consisted of jam making, and delicious dessert baking.

I made four batches of peach jam..

And this incredible, heavenly thing which I do not know the name of because I just invented it.
I peeled and cored a bunch of peaches, chopped some walnuts and stuck them into the peaches, and then placed the in a glass pan. Then I mixed whipped cream, cream cheese, sugar and cinnamon together and poured it over the peaches. I threw on a couple handfuls of blueberries and baked it for 15 mins.


Put it on top of some vanilla bean ice cream and you have a little piece of heaven :)

Back on track..

Hmmm...
I think it's been a while?
Quick re-cap---
Miss Utah Pageant
Second semester nursing classes
Work
No social life,
Anyways I have three weeks off of school and just passed on the crown so now I have time to update my sad neglected blog.

Book lists! I have been reading like crazy! I cant seem to get enough of books. I tore out the Newsweek "Must Read" Article and amazon'd them all, I also copied this list of classics off of one of my friends blogs. Let's see how I'm doing-

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchel
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

I have a lot to read I guess!

Wicked

My mom and I had the perfect day last Saturday! It was her birthday! We started out with Kneaders all-you-can-eat french toast, (then I slept cuz i worked the night before), then we ate at Olive Garden and then went to Wicked!! It definitely didn't disappoint! IT WAS SOOOO GOOOOOOD!!!!!! I fell in love with the music again and now have the storyline to back up my adoration :)


The 'Emerald City' and a cool dragon thingy?

Close up of the Emerald City, obviously this was a very impressive site because 25% of my pics were of it.

Me and mom :)