Just thinkin.

Just thinking lately about expectations and what they do for our future selves. Meaning, do expectations and the pressures that are placed on us by either outside forces or by our own selves somehow elevate us to a level unachievable by any other means? Or do these expectations somehow box us into a reality that, when we reach it, forces us to look back and regret so many decisions that we've made? Do we base our goals and dreams on what we should or should not eventually turn out like?

I worry about this a lot.

What if my choices aren't really mine at all? Am I happy with my insides, or do I focus on the image of me too much?

I suppose I must take a closer look at my insides:
What do I love? I mean TRULY love--
I love the explosion of joy felt in my soul when I feel that I've truly made a difference in someones life.
I love reaching a point in a friendship or relationship when all defenses are down and the raw emotions- hope, fear, love, disappointment- can be expressed, accepted, and explored.
I love hearing stories of triumph and strength. The human resolve is an incredible thing.
I love seeing an elderly couple holding hands in the grocery store, and I especially love sitting bedside to an ill patient and listening to their tearful partner recount stories from their life together.
I love the concept of creation. That somethings can be made out of nothing and that there really is no such thing as impossible.
I love proving myself wrong or surprising myself with a strength I didn't know I had.
I love words and poetry and books and eloquent speakers and inspirational quotes and riveting speeches.
I love earth, water, fire- the elements- and our world. Rain is something that will always make my stop and look heavenward. I have decided that this is God's way of getting my attention, perhaps the fact that it is raining an angry storm outside is the reason for my writing this.
I love beauty and grace and the strength of a woman. We truly are capable of amazing things and have an innate love for others.

I love so many other things, but those are a few that are speaking to me right now. So, do the things I'm doing or reaching for reflect the things that I love?

Maybe I'll dream about it tonight and receive a little divine inspiration to help me sort this all out. :)